Self Love

When struggling with a weight problem for years some where down the road the way you see your self gets very distorted. At least for me it had. There was a time in my life that I loved having my picture taken, trying on new clothes, seeing myself and feeling beautiful and loving who I was fully.  Mind you I was healthy, at an acceptable weight and was comfortable in my own skin. Then one day It seems I woke up and not only felt like a stranger to myself but started to not like me.   Who I am as a person inside to others really didn't change but how I felt about me did and that's when things went wrong.  I neglected me,  my feelings, and what was best for me. Before I new it I wasn't just over weight but developed some health problems, some of my own doing and others from hereditary circumstances.  

It wasn't till a little over a year I said " It's time to love me again". With loving myself I knew had to come change. Change in how I saw and felt about myself, change in how I treated myself and change in where I placed myself as a priority.  

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." Buddha

I'm still the nice, caring, loving person I always was but I think now I can be a nice, caring, loving person who values and loves who she is. It has taken a long time and still some days it still gets to me but I know I am not defined by a number on a scale, my pant size or for that matter my bra size either.  I will not let any of those things steal my joy or the love I can give to myself. 

For years I would cringe when getting my picture taken or find some way out of it.  You probably could only find a dozen or so pictures of me with my boys growing up or my husband. Sad and I totally regret that, you have no idea.  I became the picture taker, not because I was good at it but because it meant I didn't have to be on the other side of the lens.  Now today we are in the time of SELFIES, seems like everyone is doing it.  Well I decided last year to embrace it and join in on the selfie. Maybe it will help me see myself better and learn to like her more.  The first few were scary! I mean really scary! The thoughts that went through my head... Who would want to see a picture of me? No one! If I post this then everyone will see how horrible I look, how fat I was or worse... Really judge me on what I look like and not who I am. As you can imagine I can be pretty hard on myself, but I'm learning to over come my fear of the other side of the lens and embracing who I am and learning to love her.  I've taken a few selfies now in the past few months and Im handling them better each time I snap a shot. Do I share them all, nope but it's a start.  

So as of now I'm in progress! I'm progressing towards loving myself.  

I'm progressing on taking care of me, my health and my personal reflection of me.

 Why? Because I matter and I'm worth it.  

Things I've Learned:

Everyday I'm a work in progress. 

Making myself a priority requires time.  

Not all selfies come out good, that's just how it is and is it ok.  

I'm more than a number, a whole lot more!!!

Well Wishes, (((Hugs))) & Prayers,

Janine